200X: Melody of the Variable
Chapter 16: Touch-Tone Devil's Telephone
You thought you had seen the last of Taco, hadn’t you?
When the golden glow from the Sound Stone faded, the four were in a completely different cave. There was a surprisingly thick layer of green grass beneath their feet. The cave was filled with an inky black darkness - the landmasses were simply fixed in midair. Looming before them was a ginormous, alien building. It was made purely of metal, and had the strangest shape. And only a couple of paces away was someone most of them knew already.
As the four approached, Taco turned his head to them and said, “Oh, hello again!”
Tori waved frantically as she called out “Hiii!”
Buzz Buzz and Gran waved as well. Leicra simply looked from their friends, then to Taco.
Taco turned fully to the four as he asked, “How’s life been treating you dears?”
“Well, uh… Pretty good!” Tori replied.
“Yes, we’ve had some bumps in the road, but we’re still kicking!” Gran added.
“That’s wonderful to hear.” Taco looked over at Leicra and asked, “And who’s your new intergalactic friend over here, darlings?”
Tori practically leaped over to Leicra and told Taco, “This is Leicra! We met them back in Autumns - they’re super cool!”
Leicra shyly held up one hand and waved, while the other played at their bandana. “U-Uh, hello. It is nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, darling.” Taco held out a lavender-gloved hand for a handshake, and Leicra tentatively took it. Taco shook Leicra’s hand firmly, and let go after a few seconds.
“Your hand is quite cold,” Leicra commented, still looking at Taco’s hand.
Taco glanced down at Tori now holding his left hand to her face, then looked back at Leicra. “And your’s was incredibly warm - are you okay, darling?”
“We were just at one of the caves in the Lost Underworld,” Buzz Buzz explained, buzzing up to Taco. “Warm is a very large understatement.”
“Ah, I see! Well, I’m glad none of you melted in that heat.”
“It totally felt like I was gonna though,” Tori interjected.
“So, why are you here, Taco?” Gran asked.
Taco turned back to face the strange building. “I’m here to investigate the technology that’s used here,” he explained. “I have a feeling that knowing what the Starmen use will help me in the long run.”
“Starmen? What is this place, exactly?” Tori, no longer pressing Taco’s hand to her face, asked.
“This is the Starman Stronghold.”
The four all went wide-eyed. Tori made a sound similar to spitting out a drink.
“Starman Stronghold?!” Tori echoed in disbelief.
“Yes, dear.”
“So if we’ve fully charged the Sound Stone, does that mean… we have to try and end the current war now?” Leicra asked.
“I… I think so…” Buzz Buzz murmured.
“Wait a second - you four are trying to stop the Starman-Pigmask war?!” Taco questioned, spinning around to face the four.
“Yeah. And also fix the world, because Giygas wasn’t supposed to successfully conquer Earth,” Tori added.
Taco put a hand to his forehead. “Oh my God…”
“Yeah, we’ve been up to a lot since the last time we met,” Buzz Buzz said.
“I’d say! You’re out saving the world now!” Taco paused before adding, “...Which is awesome! You four are going to make the best heroes ever!”
Taco turned back toward the Starman Stronghold. “I have a feeling that going into the stronghold alone won’t end well for me. How would you four like to join me?”
“Hell yeah! I’d love to!” Tori cheered.
Gran and Leicra nodded, and Buzz Buzz added, “Of course!”
A grin of his own appeared on Taco’s face. “Right then! Let’s get going, shall we?”
Taco marched right up to the strange door of the strange stronghold, and the four followed right behind him. Buzz Buzz landed back on Tori’s shoulder as the latter made a Starman illusion for herself. She then fell back to walk beside Gran.
“So, Gran,” Tori whispered, “how do you know Taco?”
“He was the one who taught some of the Shamblers back in Shambler Village how to make tea!” Gran smiled. “He’s a lovely young man.”
Tori was silent for a moment as she and the others entered the stronghold. “He’s older than me.”
“Well of course he’s older than you,” Buzz Buzz quietly told her, “you’re only 22. I’m older than you, too.”
“You are?!” Tori replied, raising her voice a bit too much. She was given a quick “shh” from Taco. Whispering again, Tori finished, “...You looked, like, 18!”
Buzz Buzz let out a confused chuckle. Then a yelp as Tori walked directly into Taco’s back, causing Buzz Buzz to fall off Tori’s shoulder.
Taco was standing with a hand to his chin. He glanced around as he hummed with thought.
As Buzz Buzz returned to Tori’s shoulder, Tori asked, “What’s up?”
“...I’m surprised we’ve made it in this far without detection,” Taco said. “I can’t imagine that the Starmen would be having a lax day. It’s strange.” He looked over his shoulder at the four. “Stay alert.”
With that, Taco continued walking through the entrance of the Starman Stronghold. The inside was barren of furniture or a computer of any kind. The only thing indicating there was anyone keeping the stronghold running was the blinking lights on the ceiling. The spacious room itself was surprisingly well-lit for how empty it was.
The group reached the door leading to the rest of the stronghold with no troubles. Taco put his hand on the scanpad next to the door… only for it to get zapped by a surge of electricity. Taco pulled back his hand and shook it rapidly.
An alarm blared throughout the room, and within a few moments, eight Starmen had teleported into the room. They circled around the group and steadily came closer.
“Tori, Buzz Buzz, dears, did you know that PK Beam Alpha isn’t the only PSI move I know?” Taco asked, his hands raised, readying for an attack.
“Nooo…” Tori replied. “What else do you know?”
“Watch this.”
Taco raised his left hand into the air. A small pool of cosmic PSI formed around it, and steadily grew larger until it loomed over the entire group. Yellow, blue and white stars flew out of the cosmic pool. They burst upon impact with the enemy Starmen, flashing brightly. Just one bout of stars was enough to take out all eight Starmen.
Tori stood wide-eyed and mouth agape for several seconds. She looked up at Taco and questioned, “What was THAT?!”
“PK Starstorm,” he replied, putting his hands into his pockets.
“That was AWESOME! That had to be, like, the highest level there is, right?”
Taco laughed. “No, dear. That was the Alpha level.”
Tori sputtered.
“Come on, we’ve still got the rest of the stronghold to explore.”
Taco reached out to put his hand on the scanpad, but was shocked once again.
“Oh, that’s right.”
Leicra edged past Taco and put their hand on the scanpad. There was no shock. A bar on the scanpad zipped up and down the screen, then the pad glowed green. Leicra removed their hand from the pad, and the door in front of them opened up. Taco and the four made their way out of the stronghold’s entrance and into an almost untouched space between the other areas of the stronghold. The grass was still present on the ground, and there was no roof above them. Though the space felt tight due to the other areas of the stronghold standing so close to one another, two benches were managed to be squeezed into the area. Several Starmen of differing ranks ambled around and talked to one another.
The door shut behind Taco and the four with a echoing slam, gaining the attention of all the other Starmen. They all stared for an uncomfortably long time, in an equally uncomfortable silence.
“Uh,” one Starman finally spoke up, “didn’t the alarm just go off in there?”
“It did! But it was a false one,” Leicra replied. The Starman who had spoken up squinted at them.
With a nudge, a Starman Super sitting next to the Starman said, “Come on, P, you know Leicra wouldn’t lie to us. Didn’t you work with them once?”
“Yeah, but, with what Captain Astra’s been saying-” P objected.
The Starman Super lowered his upper eyelid. “Astra’s full of crap.”
“And Major Deluxe…?” a Blue Starman further away called out. “Major Deluxe sent back a report to the Finals!”
“Major Deluxe, as much as we love him, isn’t the most reliable source of info,” the Starman Super replied.
“But he’s straight to the point,” the Blue Starman argued, crossing their arms.
“Are we all going to ignore the other Starman with Leicra…?” another Starman asked.
All the Starmen fell silent again as they stared at Tori.
“Oh, they’re a newbie!” Leicra told the Starmen, shuffling up to Tori. “I thought I would show them around the stronghold!”
“Annnnd the human…?”
“He’s… also a newbie! He wanted to join us, so I thought taking him here would be a good choice.”
All the Starmen were silent for a few moments.
“And let me guess - the Shambler is also a newbie?” the Starman asked.
Leicra nodded.
“...Checks out with me,” the Starman Super said.
“Yeah, and I bet you’re reeeeal happy with it, too,” the Blue Starman said. “We all know what happened with Zeta and the old second-in-command. This new human’s probably gonna turn out just the same.”
“Don’t be such a pessimist, Azure,” a Ghost of Starman nearby frowned.
“Yeah, we’ve still got a bunch of human recruits with PSI that are still loyal to Lord Giygas,” a Starman Super standing next to the Ghost of Starman added.
Azure glanced away from the Ghost of Starman and the Starman Super. “Only because he brainwashed them…”
The Ghost of Starman cleared his throat. “Anyway, if I were you, Leicra, I’d take those newbies to the Tech Dev tower first. It’s the second one on the right - there’s a door there in the main building.”
“Ah, okay! Thank you, Colonel!” Leicra said. They led Taco, Tori, Gran and Buzz Buzz into the main building.
Once they were inside, Tori asked Leicra, “You know that guy?”
“No, I was just being polite,” Leicra replied. “If you don’t know the name or the production number of another Starman, you refer to them by what rank they would have. That is, if their model has one. Starmen and Starman Juniors never do.”
“Why not?”
“They’re never put in charge of squadrons.”
Tori nodded.
“So is it like calling a human a mister or a miss, dear?” Taco asked.
“Yes! Like that,” Leicra answered.
Buzz Buzz buzzed his wings, gaining the others’ attention.
“We just passed the Tech Dev tower, guys!” he said.
The group walked back a few paces. A screen embedded in the wall next to a door read “Tech Dev tower”. Everyone walked up to it, and the door slid down on its own. They then walked inside the tower.
The first floor of the tower resembled a waiting room - a singular desk near the entrance, with a Blue Starman standing at it, and several seats lined up around the room. The only thing that was missing from this otherwise strangely human set was the copious amounts of posters with bright block letters.
The Blue Starman at the desk looked over at the group as they entered the first floor. “Hey there! I wasn’t expecting anyone to come in today…” He took another, closer look at the group, then raised an eyebrow. “Newbies, huh?”
Leicra nodded. “I’m showing them around. I was suggested to come here first.”
The Blue Starman at the desk’s face lit up. “Well whoever told you that had the right idea!” He bent over and muttered, “I know I’ve got maps down here somewhere…”
A few moments later, the Blue Starman stood back up with a map in hand, laughing triumphantly. He handed the map to Leicra and told them, “Everything you need to know about this tower in right on there. Also, it folds out. If you ask me, it’s a clunky design. You’d think the Starmen put in charge of making them would do better, seeing as we’ve got all this technology…”
The four and Taco observed the map for a few minutes. They fumbled with the folds, and absorbed as much as possible. That Blue Starman wasn’t kidding about the map having a clunky design. Once they had fully observed the map of the Tech Dev tower, it was off to the first floor - the Programming Dev floor. But not before the Blue Starman at the desk made an announcement: “Attention, everyone - #3827-γ and a few newbies with them will be going through the tower. They’re just showing them around, okay? Thanks! #1274-γ over and out!”
The Programming Dev floor was filled to the brim with wide-screened Starman computers. Starmen and Blue Starman sat at one each, typing away. According to a Blue Starman Leicra asked, there was no need to have someone overseeing the floor. The Programming Dev floor was the most peaceful, not that the group really needed to be told that - they could hear faint explosions and a roaring crowd a few floors up. The programming the Starmen on the floor was for various programs and systems. Sometimes, buggy programs would be taken to the floor to get fixed. After hanging around for a little while, Leicra led the rest of the group up to the next floor.
The second floor was the Enhancement Dev floor. Whether it was for Starmen or the other troops in Giygas’ army, they were made on that floor. Though most of the time, the various Starmen would make enhancements for other Starmen. A lot of said enhancements were very experimental - the team on the floor got sparks flying regularly. But there was no ill will between them. The four and Taco watched the Starmen on the floor make the finishing touches to a PSI-boosting enhancement, then went up to the next floor.
Next up were the Battle Tech Dev floors. Yes, there were two Battle Tech Dev floors - the first one was for the other troops of Giygas’ army, and the second was for the Starmen. None of the group could make heads or tails of why there were two floors of Battle Tech Dev, but didn’t ask any of the Starmen. The Battle Tech Dev floors were the source of the explosions and cheering they had heard back down on the Programming Dev floor, so they didn’t stick around for long.
The final floor was the Aid Tech Dev floor. The Starmen on the floor didn’t like the Battle Tech Dev Starmen very much, what with their explosions and general noisiness. The Starmen on the Aid Tech Dev floor were much more peaceful - they made tech designed to help heal the troops on the battlefield.
As the four and Taco were observing the Aid Tech Dev’s team at work from the side, Leicra momentarily lost balance. They were caught by Taco, who asked, “Are you okay, darling?”
“Ah, yes, I am fine. I just got a little dizzy for a moment, it’s nothing new. I’m fine.” Leicra stood back up and said, “I think we’ve stayed here long enough. We should head down the tower and go to the very end of the main building.”
“Okay, Leicra! Lead the way!” Tori said.
So after a quick goodbye to the Aid Tech Dev team, Leicra led the others down the Tech Dev tower. They waved goodbye to #1274-γ as they exited the tower, then walked down to the very end of the main building. At the very end of the main building was a room containing the Starman Servers - advanced connections between each area of the Starman Stronghold, and even out to the other Starman bases across the earth. How did they find this out so soon? It was on a sign next to the door.
A Final Starman stood at the other end of the room, next to a very important-looking phone booth-esque machine. An all-too-familiar Starman Super was in front of him, with a Starman Junior with regular Starman enhancements at the ends of his arms and legs.
“I’m telling you, we need to tell Lord Giygas about them now!” Captain Astra yelled.
“And how do we know you’re not just blowing their goals way out of proportion?” the Final Starman retorted. “You’ve done a great job of pinpointing those spots, now for the love of the stars, could you not screw up the rest of your duties?!”
“I’m going to be the one screwing up? I think you’re going to be the one screwing up if you don’t listen to me!”
“I won’t be if you keep spouting nonsense, Astra!”
“That’s Captain Astra to you!”
The Final Starman jabbed Captain Astra’s chest. “And it’s General Genesis to you.” General Genesis retracted his hand. “Get out. Now.”
Captain Astra grumbled, “Come on, Elex.” With that, he spun on his heel and walked to the door. The Starman Junior with him, Elex, trailed behind him. Now that Elex was facing the group’s direction, they could see that his emblem was red instead of the usual black.
Captain Astra squinted at Leicra as he passed by. “You better not screw something up yourself, Blue.”
Once Captain Astra and Elex had left, General Genesis let out a sigh of relief. He looked over at the group and said, “You caught the tail end of that, didn’t ya? Sorry about that.”
He walked up to the group and said, “I’m #1-Ω, General Genesis. Pleasure to meet you. You would be the Blue Starman who’s showing those newbies around today, I assume?”
“How did you know?” Leicra asked.
“Everyone in the stronghold does by now. #1274-γ sent out a message to the rest of the stronghold once you had gone up to the first floor of the Tech Dev tower,” General Genesis explained.
“Oh.” Leicra was silent for a moment before pointing to the phone booth-esque machine and asking, “What’s that over there?”
General Genesis looked over to see the machine Leicra was pointing at, then back at Leicra. “I’m so glad you asked!” He walked back over to the machine, with Leicra and the others following, as he explained, “That’s the Devil’s Telephone! We use it to communicate with Lord Giygas. He’s a bit, uh, unstable, but the Devil’s Telephone gets his messages translated quite well!”
The four and Taco stared at it for a few moments before Tori looked over at General Genesis and asked him, “So you really don’t like that guy that just went out, do ya.”
General Genesis frowned and crossed his arms. “To be frank, I don’t think anyone outside his squadron does. I sure don’t. He’s a damn Ru-nuun transfer, so I shouldn’t be too surprised. Yet… here I am.”
Tori raised an eyebrow. “Ru-nuun?”
“Oh, right, you’re a newbie, you wouldn’t know!” General Genesis laughed a little to himself before explaining, “Lord Giygas isn’t the only one who commands us Starmen. The others who command Starmen are called Zanue. There’s many Zanue armies all across the galaxies, all with different emblems. The one Astra was from was the Ru-nuun. They’re very attack-focused. I don’t like them. Our army, however, is much more balanced! We’re all part of the Gysienn.”
Tori and Taco nodded.
As Leicra looked around the room, they noticed Gran was standing oddly still. They stepped over to her, put a hand to her arm and asked, “Are you okay?”
“...I’m fine,” Gran whispered.
“Oh, #3827-γ! Would you like to talk to Lord Giygas with the Devil’s Telephone?” General Genesis asked.
Leicra looked over at General Genesis, then answered, “Okay!”
“Cool. I’ve been dying to get a break,” General Genesis said. As he walked over to the door, he told the group, “I’ll be back in a few minutes!”
Once the door had closed behind General Genesis, Tori said to Leicra, “Leicra, you’re a genius!”
“...I am?”
“You sure are! Now we can get Giygas to stop fighting the Pigmasks!”
“That’s a lot easier said than done,” Buzz Buzz commented.
“But we’ve got a chance! Now hurry up and take it!”
Leicra shuffled up to the Devil’s Telephone and held it. A droning tone played, before a soft static quietly came through the phone.
“…Who is this… now?” a voice from the phone asked.
“#3827-γ, Lord Giygas. #1-Ω gave me permission to use the Devil’s Telephone to contact you,” Leicra answered.
“Is that s o…?” Giygas paused before saying, “Very well. T e l l m e w hat you need to.”
Leicra was silent for a couple of moments as they thought. “…Lord Giygas, I… I think you should cease attacks against the Pigmasks.”
There was a crackle of static before Giygas shouted, “WHAT?! What is this drivel drivel drivel that y o u… are telling m e…”
After another static crackle, Leicra replied, “I know it sounds absurd, sir, but…! Please, listen! Think of all the resources that could be saved if we ceased fire! If we can just convince them to move elsewhere…”
Giygas growled. “…You… have a point… about the resources. But simply t a l k i n g to the enemy does not seem l i k e i t will work…”
“Trust me, sir. I will find a way to get through to them.”
“…A Blue Starman…? Trying to end our war against the Pigmasks…? They will not listen to you..”
“I-” Leicra was silent for a few moments. A few moments too long, to Giygas.
“…Well, sol d i e r…?”
“…I will find a way to make the enemy cease attacks against us, sir. I promise.”
The soft static from Giygas’ end of the telephone was all that filled the room for a few seconds.
“Very well. Do not let me down… #3827-γ…”
There was a click from the Devil’s Telephone, then silence filled the air.
“…I did not expect that to work,” Leicra finally commented.
“But it did,” Tori replied.
A golden glow shone through Tori’s Starman illusion. Everyone’s attention was directed right to it.
“What’s going on there?” Taco asked, an eyebrow raised.
“Uh, magic that’s gonna get us to where we really need to be,” Tori hurriedly replied. “Not much stopping it!”
“There’s no stopping it at all,” Buzz Buzz corrected, looking at Taco.
Tori held out the Sound Stone, now brightly glowing, and said with a wave, “Bye Taco see ya later maybe!”
“I hope you get out of the stronghold okay!” Leicra added.
With that, the Sound Stone’s golden glow filled the room, leaving a very confused Taco when it faded.