200X: Melody of the Variable
Chapter 27: The Pig King
The face off against Porkey Minch.
I took some liberties with Porkey’s attacks, since I couldn’t remember them all/what they looked like in Mother 3, and couldn’t be bothered going onto YouTube to remember. Hopefully that will make the battle more interesting to read.
“What are you still doing here, Porkey? Don’t you have anything better to do?” Buzz Buzz questioned.
“Confronting you one last time is in my best interest,” Porkey replied. He cast a glance to Dolphin and Xa and told them, “You two! Bird, sunglasses guy! Get out of the way! This is a match between me and them.”
Xa and Dolphin exchanged worried glances, then moved away to the right.
Porkey looked back at the quartet. “Now, where were we? Something about… confronting you. Oh yeah! I can’t let you get to the Hero’s Launchpad. I was hoping the Zartz Officers would be able to get rid of you, but it seems you had some help. I could feel that immense PSI from a mile away. So, thanks for leading me right to you!”
Porkey loudly inhaled, then entered a coughing fit. Once it had subsided, two arm-like appendages grew out of the back of his mech. The arms then stretched out and tried to grab at Tori and Gran, who leapt out of the way. Porkey’s mech took a couple of small steps forward as it tried to grab them.
Leicra fired a PK Beam Gamma at Porkey. The beam shot a hole through the glass covering him and hit him right in the face. Gran used PK Freeze Gamma on the mech, freezing one of the right frontmost leg to the ground. Porkey growled as he noticed this, and spent a bit of time freeing the leg. Leicra took this opportunity to fire more PK Beam Gammas at him. Tori frowned, however, and bounced from one foot to the other, scanning the mech.
Porkey broke the leg out of its PK Freeze casing. Shards of ice sprayed everywhere before shattering as they hit the ground. He then raised his right hand, and a bright white light flooded the area. What felt like a barrage of punches from the sky hit through quartet’s PSI Shields. The light faded after the attack was over.
Buzz Buzz peeped out of Tori’s pocket and questioned Porkey, “What… was that?”
Porkey laughed, then coughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know? It’s just a little something I was taught. I bet you’d like to know how I was taught it, too.”
Leicra fired another PK Beam Gamma at Porkey, which was followed up by Gran using PK Freeze Gamma on one of the legs on Porkey’s mech. Buzz Buzz cast Shield Sigma over everyone as Porkey tilted his mech around to free the frozen leg. During this time, Leicra cast Defense Down Alpha on Porkey, and Tori ran up to the mech and kicked another leg. Not the smartest idea, since that did nothing but annoy Porkey.
Once Porkey freed his mech’s frozen leg, he began, “It all started about ten years ago. After my failed attempt to take Giygas’ Starmen and make my own army with them, I fled through time and space to make sure I didn’t die.”
His mech’s right arm retracted for a short second, before coming back out holding a spray can of some kind. A strange, pink substance sprayed from the can, causing Buzz Buzz to duck back into Tori’s pocket and the other three members of the quartet to feel a series of shocks on them.
Leicra fired another PK Beam Gamma at Porkey, while Gran froze another leg of Porkey’s mech. Tori took the window of time it took for Porkey to free the frozen leg to use PSI Magnet Alpha on him. Nothing was gained. Buzz Buzz took the moment to dart in through one of the now many holes punctured in the glass cover of Porkey’s mech by Leicra’s beams and rammed into Porkey’s cheek with his horn. Porkey let out a yelp of pain, then hissed at him, “That hurt, idiot!”
“It did? …I mean, yeah, of course it did! Don’t think I haven’t learned new tricks, too!” Buzz Buzz replied. He then darted out of Porkey’s mech and back into the safety of Tori’s pocket.
Porkey freed the frozen leg of his mech, then muttered to himself, “Where was I, again? ...Oh yeah.” He spoke up as he continued his story for the four, “Initially, I only traveled time and space to figure out my next plan. As I did, I came across other versions of myself. It’s a miracle that I didn’t cause some sort of time crash.”
Both of the arms of his mech retracted, then came back out a second later with some very strange looking bombs. One of them looked like a crude replication of a pig. The mechanical arms threw the myriad of bombs at the four. Tori, Gran and Leicra braced for the bombs’ impact. They instead hit the Shields, and the explosion simply seeped through. Another PK Beam Gamma was fired from Leicra, and another PK Freeze Gamma was cast on one of the legs of Porkey’s mech. Buzz Buzz rammed into Porkey’s cheek again to spite him, and Tori tried kicking loose another one of Porkey’s mech’s legs. Key word tried.
Porkey loudly cleared his throat before he continued, “The alternate versions of me taught and told me all sorts of things. The very first me I met told me something very important… something very relevant to us both. He told me that there are three ways to ensure your survival when time traveling: put your soul inside a robotic body, put your soul inside something that’s already dead, or remove your soul. Guess which one I did when I joined Giygas’ side!”
Porkey raised his left hand, and the area went pitch black. What felt like many cuts at the ankles of Tori, Gran and Leicra sliced them, but when light returned to the area, there was no blood, and not a single scratch too be found. Leicra fired another Pk Beam Gamma, while Gran used Lifeup Gamma on the entire team. Buzz Buzz tried ramming into Porkey’s mech this time around. He found that the power imbued in him from Magicant made him so strong, he had made a sizable dent in the mech. Tori punched this dent, only to receive a stinging hand.
“Other mes taught me other things, like the attacks I’ve been using. Other mes told me all sorts of interesting information, like how to easily recruit soldiers for your army. And so I decided that if I couldn’t get the Starmen to follow me, I would get some other people from all over time to instead!”
Four of the legs of Porkey’s mech extended and took Porkey high into the Saturnian sky. The other four legs shot down at the ground, targeting a member of the quartet if possible. Tori dodged the leg that targeted her, then kicked it with all her might. The mech began to wobble as the leg slipped and returned to normal length. The leg that targeted Gran pinned the Wooly Shambler down. Leicra looked from the leg to the Meteoran Sword. They gripped the hilt of the sword with both hands, then ran up to the leg of Porkey’s mech and swung the Meteoran Sword almost like a baseball bat. The sword sliced through the metal leg, leaving the lower part to fall to the ground with a clank, while the other upper part fizzled. Porkey’s mech lurched back, then fell the ground with a deafening crash and the shattering of glass. From the sidelines, Dolphin and Xa’s faces lit up with excitement and pride. The quartet ran up to Porkey’s fallen mech and began whaling on it. Leicra continued to slash with the Meteoran Sword somewhat incorrectly, Tori kicked it, Buzz Buzz rammed into it with his horn, and Gran simply stood back and let the other three handle the fighting.
The muffled sound of Porkey’s coughs and wheezes came from under the mech. Gran jogged around to the front of the fallen mech and lifted it up just enough so Porkey could crawl out. Tori gave her a frown of confusion.
Porkey coughed some more as he leaned over the edge of his cockpit. He gasped for air, and once he had filled his lungs, he exhaled. All eyes were on him. “The building of my army didn’t go unnoticed, though. There’s these aliens from… somewhere, who call themselves the Zartz Timekeepers. You’ve already met the officers, you know what they’re like. But I had the unpleasure of meeting their leader, Lume Miza. He stopped me personally for drafting people from all across time into my army. He said I was ‘breaching many laws’ and ‘had to be stopped for the sake of time’s stability’. But I wasn’t going to let some dumb time laws stop me. Oh no. In fact, I decided to trick Lume Miza into working with me. I told him that I was trying to free the Earth from Giygas by getting lots of people from across time. Not exactly untrue; but my army would take Earth for me instead! And Lume Miza thought I was being nice. So he let me work with him and the Zartz Timekeepers. They all stopped anyone who would do good things for the timelines, and I would keep an eye out for this Charles guy they wanted to apprehend so badly.”
Porkey coughed, then continued, “Aren’t I a genius? I’m a genius! Lume Miza says he so smart, but really, he’s an idiot! Another almighty idiot for me to use then discard when the time is right! Isn’t the thought enough to make you laugh?” Porkey then burst into laughter, which soon turned into another coughing fit.
Once Porkey’s coughing had died down, a new voice echoed into everyone’s minds. “If you as smart as you say you are, Porkey Minch, then you would have known I was listening.”
“Oh crap,” Porkey muttered.
From a few feet behind Porkey, a long white alien with a light yellow horn that rested on its forehead descended from the sky. The alien’s horn curved inwards, and the only features on its otherwise bare face were two curved lines that appeared to be closed eyes. The alien had two black appendages jutting from its theoretical shoulderblades that resembled hands of a clock. Like the Zartz Officers, it had two noodly arms and three legs - two at the front, one at the back.
“I believed that you were one of the rare few of yourself that was genuinely good, but now I see that I was wrong.”
Porkey turned to face the alien newcomer and stammered, “Lu… Lume Miza, I can explain--”
“You have done a excellent job already.”
Lume Miza raised his right hand and made a sound akin to a whale’s cry. Seven Zartz Officers teleported to his side. Lume Miza pointed at Porkey and ordered, “Hold him tight. Make sure he can’t get away in any way.”
“Wait, no, Lume Miza, I was--” Porkey was cut off by five of the Zartz Officers forming a barrier of purple-pink energy akin to lightning in appearance. The other two Zartz Officers hovered behind him.
“Despite your intentions, Porkey Minch, you have done an excellent job at leading me and my officers to exactly the people who we want to apprehend. All five of them, located in the same place, at the same time… Dare I say it, but the timing couldn’t be better,” Lume Miza said.
He then looked at the Hero’s Launchpad, just behind him. He paused for a moment, before musing to himself, “Interesting. The machine that he used to escape captivity is here as well. Perhaps a window will open up for it to be returned.”
He then turned back to the quartet, still standing around Porkey’s fallen mech. “The four of you. I know you want to access this launchpad. Everything you have been striving towards has led up to this. But I cannot allow you to do that.”
There was silence for those few, long moments. Only silence as thought and fear occurred.
“…I’m still going to try,” Buzz Buzz replied.
Buzz Buzz buzzed forward, towards Lume Miza and the Hero’s Launchpad. Tori, Gran and Leicra exchanged glances with each other, then to Buzz Buzz. They then joined his side as he came to a halt in front of Lume Miza’s towering figure.
“We’re still going to try.”
Lume Miza was silent for a moment, before raising his right hand, energy crackling at its tip. “If you are so sure. But do not expect to get far.”